mum
I was told, before I was a mother, that to be a mother, was to spend your life on your children. That life revolves around them, through them, for them. That being a mum is a ministry of the highest form. That when you have kids your job, ministry, life and all becomes about raising them.
My experience of being a mum is more varied, more emotional, more painful, and more brilliant than I expected. My girls are two of are the funniest, wittiest, creative, beautiful people I know. They make me laugh more than anyone else and they make me cry more than any other anyone else. I love being a mum.
But I have struggled with the idea that my primary and majority role/identity/meaning for life, is as ‘mum’. In one of my lectures this weekend the lecturer talked about the idea that not only is it possible, but even Biblical, to find a healthy balance between raising children and being involved with a ministry. While I had seen this modelled, I had never heard anyone teach this specifically, particularly in reference to being a woman.
This taps into so many issues: women in leadership, identity, priorities, social and personal expectations.
There is a lot to think about.
This concept did two things for me: it whispered freedom and shouted confusion.
The idea that I can be a mum, a good mum, and also find a way to respond to the things in my heart that I believe God has birthed and grown, is startling and revolutionary. To a large degree I had resigned myself to being on the periphery at my most involved. But what if there was more?
For so long my identity was tied up in ministry and what I did in under the banner of ‘serving the church’. And I have spent a long time and travelled a lengthy distance to discover who I am apart from what I ‘do’. And now all of this needs to be addressed in light of the idea that pursuing the ‘God things’ in balance with the stage of life I find myself in (ie. being a mum) is possible and ok.
This, I am sure, is going to be an ongoing dialogue…. (and now back to listening to my lecturer…!)
x
Over the last couple of weeks two very dear friends of mine (in two totally separate, unrelated situations) have been going through some difficult, heart wrenching stuff. And at the risk of reducing their lives to a ‘blog post’, I just want to say: if I could fix it I would, if I could love you more I would.
Sometimes all I have to offer is a plagiarised prayer, but it is a prayer nonetheless. Thomas Merton sums it up pretty well. And I think that I have shared this before, but it is worth sharing again:
Our Eden is the heart of Christ
Let grace come, Jesus.
Your name is on my heart.
Your Holy Name is on the tower of my heart.
Let grace come and let this world pass away,
Jesus, You who are living in my exhausted heart.
dear friend
This week is going to be all about my dear friend…coffee. My final essay is due in by Friday, so its late nights, early mornings and coffee fixes for me. Ahhh dear friend, what would I do without you?
reflect
We just got back from spending the weekend away with the guys from our church. We are all exhausted – but for all the right reasons. It was a lovely time away, very relaxed with little to do but chat, drink coffee and get to know each other a bit better. There are lots to think about and process as a result of camp, which I am sure will end up here at some stage, but for now I thought I would put up what I did for the mediation/reflection time when we arrived on Friday night. It was simply a time to focus us on why we were there as a community and help us put aside some of the busy-ness of the rest of our lives to hear from God over the weekend.
My to do list is long
It is itemized and categorised
It is necessary and it is overwhelming
It is growing in length and urgency
People, places, jobs, and commitments are allocated times and designated importance
People, places, jobs and commitments are ticked off the list
It sounds callous
It often feels callous
A steady rain
A dripping tap
The pesky voice that compels me to turn on the computer, to pick up the phone, to get in the car
I am not fond of the idea of my life being defined and dictated by ‘to do lists’.
Surely it is more than that.
And it is…
Life is about tea parties with 2 little girls, 3 stuffed bears and a toy dog called Princess Coriander.
It is about book clubs that spend more time choosing books than reading books
It is about coffee being the first thing you smell in the morning.
It is Betel gardening services
It’s about smiling at the checkout chick and asking her how her day is.
It is Ricky Gervais on the iPod
Josh Rouse in the stereo
Mickey Mouse in the DVD player
It is admitting to liking old school British TV dramas, to seeing Andy Warhol’s point, eating chocolate covered pretzels, wandering aimlessly through large shopping centres on hot days, needing study plans and watching foreign movies without the subtitles.
It is dance concerts, cupcakes, books, photos, movies, freshly picked rosemary, the first mangoes of the season, new friends, old friends, wine, food, and family.
It is spending the weekend away with friends who believe what you believe, who speak the same language, whose values parallel yours, who for spending the night eating and drinking constitutes a night well spent, and it is choosing to know them and to let them know you.
It is choosing to come away for the weekend with new friends and old friends and to focus on the things that are important and life-giving.
It is choosing for an allegiance to be more than a word. For it to become a way of breathing and living.
C. S. Lewis about community says, ‘He works on us in all sorts of ways. But above all, he works on us through each other. Men are mirrors, or “carriers” of Christ to other men. Usually it is those who know Him that bring Him to others. That is why the church, the whole body of Christians showing Him to one another, is so important. It is so easy to think that the church has a lot of different objects – education, buildings, missions, holding services…the Church exists for no other purpose but to draw men to Christ. To make them little Christs. If they are not doing that, all the cathedrals, clergy, missions, sermons, even the Bible itself, are simply a waste of time. God became man for no other purpose. It is even doubtful, you know, whether the whole universe was created for any other purpose’.
So Jesus, I, we, pray:
There are things in life that are necessary. But let us major on the things that are optional. The things that make us more human, more divine, more like you. The weddings, the babies, the dinners, the friends, the lost.
Let this weekend together be about being a student of your ways and your heart. May we get it right, and choose to be students; hanging onto every word you speak. To sit with you, to sit with each other. To laugh and to giggle. To teach and more importantly, be taught.
Jesus, let us learn what it means to be a community, to be friends, to be family.
Jesus let us learn of the Spirit, its gentleness, its determination, its necessity in our lives.
Jesus let us learn to be carriers of Christ, to old friends and new friends.
Let this weekend be about life, not ‘to do lists’.
Amen
buttons
ohhh…I just love these! These gorgeous buttons will soon adorn a plethora of little girl jackets, pencil cases and scarves. Not only did they arrive beautifully wrapped in an old fashioned paper lolly bag, each set comes with a delightful name to accompainy it – ‘Cup of Tea Time’,' The Girl, the Puppy and the Balloon’, and ‘Animal Tea Party’. They are from a lovely little Etsy store called Creamrose that you should check out here:
procrastinating
I am starting to see a slightly concerning theme here: whenever I really need to study, I seem to cook! But at least this time round it was more than simply procrastinating. This is my mother-in-law’s birthday cake (s) – Turkish Delight cupcakes, made with rose-water, pistachio nuts and white chocolate. I was happy with how they turned out, mother-in-law was happy, guests were happy – good result all round.
Now where did I put those text books…
combination
A nice combination…
Take the lyrics of the Rob Thomas’ song ‘Someday’ and the movie ‘Julie and Julia’ and you will find that you end up somewhere between inspired and motivated (or in a not so great moment disillusioned and frustrated, but today we are going with the former).
I like the new Rob Thomas stuff, it sounds vaguely like Kevin Prosch’s ‘Kiss the Son’ (which is an old school classic). And actually there is just one line in RT’s song which resonates to the extent of initiating a blog post; ‘Maybe someday we will live our lives out loud’. I don’t know what he meant when he wrote that, but I know what I hear when he sings it; ‘Maybe one day I will have the courage to do the things that I secretly want to do and be’.
And then there is the movie ‘Julie & Julia’.
I had read the book and found it mildly diverting and funny in moments but it certainly wasn’t a brilliant or captivating read. However, as it turns out, this is one of the very few instances when the movie is better than the book. The movie was lovely. It was witty and engaging, honest and accessible. I won’t dissect the plot except to say that the foundation of the movie is the story of two women pursing things that they felt like they were ‘meant’ to do. Whether that was cooking or writing, both women pursued it with conviction and passion.
So this raises a number of questions for me: what does it mean to ‘live my life out loud?’, what is it that I am ‘meant’ to do?, what am I convinced is innately who I am?, how do I pursue those things that I feel are important and necessary expressions of who I am?…
Such big and important questions. And to be honest, awfully frustrating that I am still asking them. I wish I had this sorted by now. But I don’t, so I will just keep at it I guess.
lemon peel
I know that I have mentioned here recently that I am quite busy with study and kids and just life in general at the moment, so I have no idea whatsoever what recently possessed me to attempt to candy lemon peel.
It was, however, easy and delicious, despite being a fairly sore use of my time.
holiday
We just got back from a few days away down the coast. We went away because
a)we needed a holiday; and
b) the Jayco Herald-Sun Tour (Bike Race) was on.
essay (again)
I have to admit, study is a struggle this semester, primarily because there is just so much going on at the moment. Between now and Christmas we have an interstate wedding, a 4 year old’s birthday, in-laws move to the country, sister moves back to Vic (from the NT), a family camp, kinder duties and activities, a dance concert, book club, church, and… and… and… ! And study! I really just need to focus and as a dear friend says, ’suck it up’ and get on with it. My major essay this semester will look at the following question:
This essay will explore both the Reformation and the post Reformation experience of mission in the light of the new paradigm that came with the Reformation.
Hmm…if anyone has any thoughts or suggestions, feel free to comment!
