Last week marked the 2 years since our little girl was critically ill. Let me say up front that nowadays she is remarkably un-affected. There are still ongoing concerns with her respiratory and immune system, but overall, she is amazing and well.
It is interesting to me that I am so aware of this particular date. I am notorious for not remembering anniversaries. I honestly can’t tell you the date we got married (bad hey?). But I have noticed that leading up to this date I get edgy and teary. And when the day is over, I am fine. It has been an interesting journey away from that time in our lives and the further away we get, the better.
A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way. Mark Twain
I didn’t choose to pick up this particular cat (metaphorically speaking), but it happened and we have had to deal with the consequences. Physically (for our girl) the scars have faded quickly and successfully. For those issues that remain we have hope that they will diminish entirely in the future. For me the issue of her being ill is still raw and painful and I don’t like thinking about it too much. However I know that I have learnt much about the person our girl is. She is sassy and courageous, cheeky and strong. I am in awe at her ability to fight and giggle.
But I think that there is still much for me to learn about myself and my faith in light of her being ill. The ongoing, constant search for the truth about who I am, who God is and how this whole thing fits together is exhausting. But I know it is necessary. I don’t want my understanding of God to be compromised because I got tired.
Family life is full of major and minor crises — the ups and downs of health, success and failure in career, marriage, and divorce — and all kinds of characters. It is tied to places and events and histories. With all of these felt details, life etches itself into memory and personality. It’s difficult to imagine anything more nourishing to the soul. Thomas Moore