Words are heavy.
They are the carriers of emotion and ideas, of our hearts, our desires , our fear, our rage.
They save us, they comfort us – by their simplicity, their accessibility, their humility, their servitude to us, by their might.
Right now I have very few.
I am acutely aware of who I am. How I am.
The ‘whirling dervish’ attitude I have to my life.
If I move fast enough I’ll make it.
I have no regrets.
But I am tired.
And besides….HE feels like a whirling dervish to me.
HE feels fast and busy and determined and deliberate.
Maybe that’s why we get along so well.
And maybe that’s why we clash from time to time.
Perhaps this all resonates a little to deeply,
perhaps it is a little too true and
perhaps it scratches at the fragility of my faith and my desire to be something I am not.
The whirling will continue for now.
…actually, happy weekend. Night with my girls on Friday night…
Micmacs (the new Jean-Pierre Jeunet movie) Satuday night (joy oh joy oh joy)…
sigh went to market Sunday(a big, big thank you to all those lovely friends who dropped by).
‘Sigh’ has had a bit of a facelift in the last day or two. Which seems a bit excessive considering that ‘sigh’ has only been around for a few weeks. I am much happier with how it all looks now and am excited about going to market on Sunday. That’s right – I’m off to market! This Sunday at the Healesville Market from 9am to 2pm. Drop in and say ‘hi’.
I’m tired, it’s late and I want…
to ignore this
put this on my wall
to drink this
and to watch this.
Last November I enrolled to do my final subject of my graduate degree (in missions). I enrolled with great excitement knowing this symbolised the beginning of the end of a long slog of part-time study, most of which I have loved, but honestly, am now quite ready to have finished. So imagine my intense frustration at finding out that I have already done the class I’ve enrolled in (they changed the name and no one picked up on the fact I had done it under the previous heading) and my only option is to do a basic theology class. I want/need to finish this semester and am unwilling to drag this thing out any further. So I am stuck doing a first year class. I have nothing against the class per sea, apart from the fact that the text book could actually have been written by Mickey Mouse (och!) and the point of studying (for me) is to challenge myself and push myself – a basic class won’t do that. Even the Librarian laughed at me when I told him what text books I needed and told me it was okay, I could catch up on sleep during lectures!
I know this sounds very self-involved and that I am suffering from an extreme superiority complex – I promise you – I’m not. In the last few years I have been lucky enough to study Urban Missions, Pauline Theology, Creation Care, the History of Mission – all very focused, specific and involved subjects, which is what you want at a Graduate level. ‘Biblical Studies’ (my new class) is ‘a basic overview of the Old and New Testaments’. Who knows, maybe getting back to some of the foundational stuff will be good for the soul. And perhaps it will cause me to push harder and go deeper because that’s what I’m use to. I think part of my frustration is that I had hoped to finish on a bit of high – doing a big, chunky subject I could really sink my teeth into. It is going to be an interesting semester!
To balance out my frustration, I have been flipping through this beautiful blog called House of Turquoise,and I feel much better!
(Note to self: in the presence of frustration, taking the time to recognise/acknowledge/value that which is beautiful brings a degree of balance and peace…hmmm).
I arise in the morning torn between a desire to improve the world and a desire to enjoy the world.This makes it hard to plan the day. E. B. White
I am slowly inching myself off the fence and down on to the side I want to live on. And its the side where improving the world and enjoying the world are one and the same. It is the side that says that beauty reflects more than superficiality. It says that beauty and richness can be found in the little things and the little moments. It’s the side that says we were created to improve the world, enjoy the world and care for the world. And in doing so – beauty and fullness can be discovered.
At this stage it is complete idealism. But its a place to start. Something to aim for. A choice to make.