study guilt

So the exam is over and I did okay.  With exam’s my sole intention is to pass – which I did, and I am happy with my efforts.  So the ‘exam’ box can be ticked. Good.

Now we just have 5 days of intensive essay writing to get through.  I am usually a lot more organised with essay writing, but after having the flu for 2 weeks I am way out of schedule and am desperate to get words on paper.

However, a little side issue of all this study emphasise, is the reality of trying to get a lot of study done when you have a 2-year-old and a 4-year-old.  The girls are generally busy, active little girls that need fairly constant stimulation and supervision – unless they are watching a movie.  Movie’s are normally a treat and are used for special occasions (and let’s be totally honest, ABC kids is often used when the bathroom needs cleaning and when I don’t want the girls in the kitchen if I am using the stove top).  But generally the tv is off more than it’s on.  Except for this week.  I need to get this essay done, and by the time the girls are in bed at night, my brain is basically on overdrive (or off), so I need them occupied while I try to write.  Mother’s guilt is an incredible thing.  I know that one week of more than usual tv watching is not neglectful nor will it damage them developmentally – but I feel so guilty about it!  It is crazy.  It is the constant voice in your head, ‘do this, do that, do that better’.  The internal pressure that mum’s put themselves under is unnecessary, unhelpful and mostly unfounded.  We can be our own worst enemies.

So while I sit here writing this and waiting for a NT Wright document to download, Mary Poppins’ is in the background singing with animated penguins and the girls are smiling with delight.  I think the girls are going to be okay!

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