flowers for me

I have thought and re-thought about writing and posting this.  Mostly because it is such a specific thing and I never intended to have this blog to be so narrow.  But this is the thing that is occupying most of my time and energy at the moment – and that is what most of this self-indulgent blog is about!!

So, yes, it’s a pregnancy thing – but don’t freak out, there is no graphic terminology or pictures to contend with.  The thing is, this time round I have developed an unstable pelvis.  Without going into too much detail about what that means (basically an inflammation of pelvic ligaments), in day-to-day life it outworks itself like this – I can’t walk.  On a good day I can limp around and get the girls to kinder, do the shopping and the washing and get the basics done, but my day finishes on the couch with my feet up and surrounded by ice packs.  On a bad day – I can’t do anything.  I can’t stand for long periods, I can’t get in and out of the car, walking to and from the bathroom is agony and I spend a lot of time in tears.  There is little you can do, apart from rest, to treat the condition.  Ice packs help and my physio is a champion at helping me alter my movements to decrease any agitation to the ligaments.  But until bub arrives, it’s a case of waiting it out.  My Dr is talking about delivering baby a little earlier, because, as you can imagine, the bigger baby gets the worse the pain is (and we have big baby’s!  3.6kg and 4.4kg!).  We will see what happens with that, I’m not going to be okay with baby coming any earlier than 38 weeks (I’m currently 31).  It may require some serious negotiations with the Dr and the midwives!

All that being said, the most interesting thing about all of this is that I have somehow managed to completely separate our baby from the pregnancy.  When the instability first began to show itself, one of my midwives’ talked to me about how some women struggle with resentment towards their baby’s because of the pain and damage being done to their bodies’ because they were pregnant.  Which makes sense.  But somehow I have totally separated the two off from each other.  Of course I realise that I can’t have one without the other, but the pregnancy and all its complications has formed a completely different entity to our baby.  Baby is growing and developing and doing all that baby needs to do, and it’s my body that is struggling with the changes going on.  I have absolutely no sense of resentment or ill feeling towards baby.  Which makes the whole thing easier to deal with.  Praise God for that!

I have had to put some things in place to make life easier until the condition eases up.  Much of my Christmas shopping has been done via Etsy, grocery shopping is done through Aussie Farmers Direct (who are amazing and worth checking out), cleaning is a thing of the past (particularly vacuuming!) and generally accepting that I just can’t do some things for a little while.

And, I had to go to the shops today get some things for my daughters kinder, and after a huge weekend at the UCI World Championships (details to come on that!!), I was really struggling, so I bought myself flowers – and this how I am going to get through the next 9 weeks – by being honest and buying flowers when I want them.

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