Today I am frustrated. Today I am finding it hard to see past the limitations of being a ‘stay at home mum’.
This is not me at my finest. This is me being impatient and ungrateful.
I love my children fiercely and unreservedly. But I am more than a mum and more than the resident maker of ultra healthy lunches for school (which, by the way, is primarily motivated by a fear of getting ‘looks’ from the teachers if I slip up and put a sugar laden muesli bar in the lunch box). Let’s be honest, this not an identity crisis, it could be the complete opposite of one. It feels more like looking at your reflection and saying, ‘well, I guess this is it then’. And either you embrace it or you fight it. And that space between embracing and fighting is where frustration reigns.
We (hubby and I) knew that the decision to have one of us be a ‘stay at home’ parent would come with consequences and sacrifice. And today those consequences feel heavier than they normally do. So do I shake myself off, smile and carry on? Or do I wallow?
Or perhaps, this time, I acknowledge that today it is difficult and I don’t have the energy to do much else.